Golf Humor and Stories

Will Kharma Doom Tom, Rory and Bubba?

WHO Is Going To Play Like SHIITE (very British) at The Open?

Let’s start w Rory, he has a few things working against him, not just his recent tumble from world #1. Yesterday Faldo was asked what is the problem with Rory’s game and he candidly answered, “He changed equipment and balls, the girlfriend ain’t helping, and lack of practice will kill ya.” BaZinga! When Faldo is givin ya the business that’s a hard one to come back from on Day 1.

Rory has taken some public slams before, this should not be too hard to shake off, no worse than a busty golf stalker at the practice green, but last night the Loudmouth krewe was invited to at a rip roaring party at a big rented house attended by the Who’s Who of the European Golf Media community. In the pic below the host is regaling us with a story over the microphone at 10:30pm at night! Correct, the sun doesn’t go down up here until way after 11pm which is great for late night parties but not exactly conducive for early morning tee times. Rory was obviously staying within earshot because somewhere around 11:30 a kind call came in from the Rory camp saying (and I paraphrase) “Shut the Bloody-Hell up or take it inside or Both you Pricks!” (I’m sure they were much nicer than that, but that is what they were thinking). It only took 1 call and the party moved inside, no problem, we didn’t want to interrupt Rory any more because he already has too much working against him.

What I’m wondering about Rory’s mindset is what’s going on in his head. Could it be:

“My hero Nick Faldo called me an idiot for changing equipment and balls, he publicly called me lazy, and he hates my girlfriend, or worse yet he wants to steal my girlfirend! Moreover, maybe I should have joined that party rather than shutting it down, it sounded very relaxing with drunken idiots spouting off mindless drivel on a microphone. Very Irish in it’s essence. I sincerely hope Party Kharma doesn’t haunt me with it’s cold grip of fate this week … “

Or could he be thinking:

“Faldo is a Doosh, I’m gonna go crush some skulls this week!!!”

I like Rory and I hope for the later, but I fear the odds are against him and he is going to hit it crooked off the tee and isn’t going to score well.

A different kind of surprise awaited late Wed afternoon. Tom Watson gave an audible roto-rooting to his caddy and it was a PRACTICE Round! The altercation occurred on #9 heading back toward the clubhouse along the driving range with Watson hitting from the short left rough in the exact position pictured below:

Caddy: “Aim at the Marquee“

Crabby Watson: “Which damn Marquee (banner) are you talking about?”

Crabby Pants theatrically pointing BACKWARDS! “Is it that Marquee?”

Meany Pantss pointing 90 degrees away from the green: “Is it THAT Marquee? Which F&^%ing Marquee are you F#@*ing talking about!?!”

Which Marquee?

I was dying laughing! Tom heard me, I wasn’t more than 30 feet away, and he gave me quite a Star Wars death stare. I’ve met him briefly on a handful of occasions, maybe he recognized me in my Union Jack Loudmouths but he certainly replayed his own ludicrous comments in his head at that moment and gave a chuckle shaking his head and proceeded to grab a 9 iron and knock it onto the green from the short rough to a mild round of applause.

Sure, the golfer-caddy relationship is a complex one, you spend more time with your caddy than your wife/gf, and Lord knows (watch for more deity references this week) I’ve had more than one girlfriend scream at me, “Which F+-$ing Marquee are you talking about you Loser!?!”.

Because Tom Watson chuckled he still has a chance of playing well this week even at his grizzled old age. Had he not laughed at his own behavior then kharma would be dead set against him.

Make no mistake about it folks, this ain’t the first time the Watson boyz have publicly lit up their caddy’s, Tom Watson is historically renowned for it in the heat of battle and Bubba Watson publicly ass-hammered his caddy during the final round at the Traveler’s this year on June 23, but yesterday was the FIRST time I’ve heard it in person! Now let’s move on to Bubba.

Bubba Watson reaming his caddy on Jun 23 this year:

“Water! It’s in the water! That club. Yea, it’s in the water … “

“So you’re telling me that’s .. that’s the right yardage!!?”

“There’s just no reason for YOU to show up.”

As David Feherty said during the telecast, “Hey, you hit it Bud!”

Now let’s chronologically move forward to last night. After Rory’s camp politely called the party saying “Shut the Hell Up” and the party moved inside, Bubba called the Cops! TWICE!! Let’s look at the facts:

1) Bubba cries on camera not only at the 2012 Masters last year but on every major talk show on the planet the week (Most women thought – “How Sweet”, Guys thought – “Lame”)

2) Bubba has a mini tirade at his caddy on National TV last month at the Travelers Championship

3) Bubba calls the cops on OUR PARTY last night TWICE!

Bubba will not play well this week …

“So Mr self-proclaimed Smarty Pants LJ, who IS going to have kharma smiling down upon them and will clearly play well?”

That answer is SUPER easy! The Loudmouth krewe was all set to come to The Open long before Daly got hurt and once it became apparent that JD wasn’t coming we started scrambling for tickets. When Daly is at a tournament it is very easy for his favorite sponsor (sorry Pilot) to sponge a few tickets off of him. With JD out of commission we had a whole new problem on our hands. I happened to realize the problem (it was actually brought to my attention, I didn’t realize shiite) on the day JD had his elbow surgery and being the nice guy that I am, I gave him a full 10 mins to recover from surgery and anesthesia before starting to whine, “JD! We are up shiite creek without a British shiite paddle, Help!!” OK, I did wait 2 days and he got back to me quickly saying he would see what he could do remotely. On Mon I got a msg that said “David Duval is leaving you some tickets at his hotel on Mon night”. We went to pick them up and sure enough, they were there!

Clearly my final prediction for today is that not only will kind hearted and gentle souled 2001 Open Championship Winner at Royal Lytham David Duval play well this week, I also believe he will go to heaven.

LJ – Your Humble 2013 Open Reporter

[box]Larry Jackson “LJ”
Contributor
CEO of Loudmouth Golf. Bi-coastal resident. SF Giants fan. Private pilot for Loudmouth Air.
His dream foursome would be to play with Sir Nick Faldo, Sir Ian Botham, and Sir Richard Branson. Larry claims he is the best golfer on the Loudmouth team.[/box]