How to Eliminate Mashed Potatoes from the PGA

I will admit it. The first time I heard someone shout “Get in the Hole!” when Tiger teed off it was kinda cool. Cut to ten years later and I want to punch every idiot who thinks his claim to fame will be having his voice broadcast across the nation. Honestly, I do not know how Tiger has held it together all of these years without sending someone to pull a Nancy Kerrigan on these numb-skulls.

At best, these guys are annoying. At worst, they have crossed the line and are now interfering with play. For example, during the final round of the PGA Championship, Jim Furyk was clearly annoyed by someone who shouted before he even finished his swing.

So the question is: what can we do to stop this epidemic before it gets any worse? Well, here is my three step plan.

1) Utilize Peer Pressure: Look, there are at least 15 people who can point out the culprit. Imagine if all fifteen people turned to him and said “hey jack-ass! why don’t you shut the fuck up”. Sure, it’s a bit on the vigilante front, but this is our game, we can have a say.

2) Empower the Marshalls: First, clearly write on every ticket that anyone caught shouting above a normal level or blurting out nonsense will be politely escorted from the premises. Sound too harsh? I don’t think so and NFL and MLB teams have been doing it for years. Just because you bought a ticket does not mean you can act a fool.

3) Hold Courses Accountable: The PGA can simply tell all venues that going forward their ability to maintain control of the crowd will be an influencing factor as to whether they bring an event back. Money talks and if the PGA was serious about the threat I guarantee Baba Booey would not be found.

Now for those of you who think I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, I would point you toward my twitter feed today which was filled with calls to end the mashed potatoes. Even players like Ian Poulter got into the mix. The question is will the PGA get serious? Now “get off my lawn!”